When reprimanding, scolding your child (or giving feedback to a colleague or subordinate), it is best to remember the following:
• Always focus on the behavior that is being reprimanded (or discussed in the feedback); Not on the child or adult.
• Please do not make statements like “bad boy/bad girl!”, “tanga ka!”, “stupido ka!”. These are personal attacks that only serve to hurt and diminish your child’s or subordinate’s self-worth and self-confidence.
• These hurtful words often stick in the minds and self-concept of your child and are carried on to adulthood.
• They become the root of many of the cases of depression and anxiety in adolescents and adults that I see in my counseling practice.
• Instead, focus on the behavior in question and explain why it was unacceptable. Then suggest more positive and effective ways of behaving.
• That way your child will develop a healthy and positive self-concept that sees himself/ herself as a capable individual and an effective problem solver!
