Being in the HERE and NOW

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* Being fully present in the HERE and NOW has great benefits.

* Being present means fully experiencing what you are doing, thinking and feeling in the moment and not letting worry, fearful and angry thoughts distract you.

* A good technique to stay in the present is to breath slowly and deeply. Inhale for 3-4 counts and exhale for the same length of time, for 10 rounds. Then carry on breathing deeply for another 10 rounds. Continue the practice for a total of  3 to 5 minutes. Whenever anxious, fearful or angry thoughts enter your mind, let them go and refocus on your breathing.

* This practice, known as meditation, is today also called mindfulness.

* Practicing mindfulness lowers your anxiety and anger levels.

* It allows you to put a distance between you and your thoughts and gain perspective.

* Mindfulness also slows you down and minimizes impulsivity.

* It reminds you that afterall, these are just thoughts and are not you.

 

Sources:
Dialectical Behavior Therapy for At-Risk Adolescents by P. Harvey & B. Rathbone, 2013
The CBT Anxiety Solution Workbook, M. Mckay, M. Skeen & P. Fanning, 2017
The Mindfulness & Acceptance Workbook for Social Anxiety & Shyness by J. Fleming, N. Kocovski, 2013

Nothing Personal Please!

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When reprimanding, scolding your child (or giving feedback to a colleague or subordinate), it is best to remember the following:

• Always focus on the behavior that is being reprimanded (or discussed in the feedback); Not on the child or adult.

• Please do not make statements like “bad boy/bad girl!”, “tanga ka!”, “stupido ka!”. These are personal attacks that only serve to hurt and diminish your child’s or subordinate’s self-worth and self-confidence.

• These hurtful words often stick in the minds and self-concept of your child and are carried on to adulthood.

• They become the root of many of the cases of depression and anxiety in adolescents and adults that I see in my counseling practice.

• Instead, focus on the behavior in question and explain why it was unacceptable. Then suggest more positive and effective ways of behaving.

• That way your child will develop a healthy and positive self-concept that sees himself/ herself as a capable individual and an effective problem solver!